Boy, I know we’ve all been there! You walk into class, sit down, and as the teacher begins passing out the tests your palms begin to sweat. Your test is placed face-down before you and taking a deep breath, you flip it over and stare at the first page. The night before, you had chosen the televised game rather than the books. Having spent little to no time in preparation, the first page could soon heighten the real fear and panic the next hour might hold. Before surveying the test questions you, as all good desperate Christian people do, begin an internal dialogue (monologue) with God. “God if you will just get me through this test, I promise I will never do it again! I promise that I will be nice to my sister. I will honor my parents. I will witness to my whole class. I will even read my Bible daily. Heck, I will commit my life to foreign missions! Just please let me pass!” Sound familiar at all? Been there? Personally, I think according to all my commitments by this point in my life I should have read the Bible about 19 times all the way through now living in either a monastery committing my life solely to prayer and 40-day fasts or on the mission field in some remote Saharan location eating only locust and honey like John the Baptist!
It’s it funny (or sad) how crisis bring out the apparent religion in us. The once apathetic pledge whole-heartedness. The insincere barter their facades for guarantees of earnestness.
This is just how Jacob’s prayer in Genesis 32:9-12 sounded to me as I read today, especially verse 10. “I am unworthy of all the lovingkindness which You have shown to Your servant…” Can you think of a better way to butter God up than that!? Attempt humility! That always works?! The problem is I can find no evidence that Jacob was sincere in any way that would have led to lasting effects. This can be validated just a few verses later. Jacob doesn’t rely on God’s faithfulness at all… instead, seeking to humanly appease his brother, he resorts to bribery, and lots of it. The prayer of the panicked petitioner was a distant memory of empty words.
Jacob’s deceptive deeds had now come full circle on him and he must face the brother from whom he had fled for his life after stealing both his birthright and father’s blessing. It has been over 20 years since Jacob had seen Esau, but the sinful reminders had never left him. Now that contact with his brother was eminent, Jacob seemingly crumples and pleads with God for favor.
But even on top of the desperate bribes, Jacob goes further to reveal his lack of humility before God when he wrestles with Him (possibly a pre-incarnate Jesus?) through the night. Instead of bowing in worship or offering sacrifice, Jacob demands blessings. It is obvious the reader is to understand that Jacob did know with whom he was wrestling because Jesus(?) replies to him, “Why is it that you ask my name?” implying Jacob knew full well with whom he spoke. He makes this understanding clear in verse 30. Jacob has not yet learned anything concerning humility.
One final proof of Jacob’s static heart. In chapter 33 I was very impressed by Esau. He seems by all indications sincere and pleasant, even offering assistance to his returning brother. But how does Jacob respond? It is as if he never trusts Esau for a second; the fear is in no way gone. Sure you can try to argue that he professes reconciliation in verse 10 of Chap 33, but read between the lines. I think he makes Esau take the gifts because Jacob is still leery of his brother’s true intentions. I think this is also why he doesn't want to walk with Esau’s company, and why he rejects the aid of Esau’s men. It seems also likely why he takes so long to make his way home. Jacob doesn't believe in any change in Esau’s heart because his own heart has never been transformed itself.
I am thankful when God brings me to my knees through crisis, sometimes it’s the only way I have really been able to grow or change. But I also know that there have been countless other times that promised changes never happened. I have been like Jacob all too often and the desperate prayer indicates just that, desperation… not a reliance or faith in God. And God has reminded me over and over that until I learn the lesson, the lesson will continue to be taught. May we all learn our lessons quickly, the first time, so that we might be ready to take the next step, deeper and deeper into our faith-walk with Him.
2 comments:
Amen bro. I've had to learn at least one same lesson over and over. Why are we so hard-headed?!
Question - I've always wondered why God allowed Jacob to compete with Him so well in the "wrestling match" (unless it was metaphorical or a dream or something and God just dislocated Jacob's hip in reality). Any ideas?
My only guess is that it shows God's unbelievable patience with fallen humanity. Man had and would always continue to strive against Him. At any point He could call it quits and rightfully bring judgment. Yet He is unbelievably gracious putting up with us as He calls us back to Himself throughout salvific history. He humbles us by a loving and sometimes painful touch of His hand so that we might remember our position in the created order. It kind of reminds me of a little child punching and clawing at his much older brother's legs trying to reach for the hot iron in the oustreched hand of his loving protective brother.
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